Blogger On Shoot
Memory Loss
'Shattered sleep like shards of glass, crumbling memories in the haze of technology,
Blurred vision like blinded cyclops , treading through darkness in the daydream of life,
Mirrored walls like parrellel worlds, broken identities in the crack of joints,
Zombified mirages like hallucinatory drugs, wading through sewage in the depths of hell'
A Day In The Life Of Ana De-Jesus On Shoot
6am - Rise groggily from bed, sigh and jump out of bed with your eyes closed. Probably not the best idea as you land on your bum and wake the children up. Great now I have two screaming children bawling in my ear as they think that I am a vampire because I 'flew' from my bed. Well if falling flat on my butt means I am a supernatural being then I don't want to live on this planet any more.
6.20- Note to self try landing more gracefully you did not do dance training for nothing. Grab piles of clothes and run into the living room with a stray child in tow who thinks that it is fun at this precise moment to jump into your arms. Wish that their parents would wake up but sadly that is not meant to be.
6.40- Climb into the shower and feel at bliss. Then you realize that there are shouting children outside who have decided that I am not allowed to have five minutes of peace. Ignore them hoping they go away. They don't.
6.50-After 10 minutes of shouting my brain is about to explode, get changed and go deal with children. The children are quiet as mice watching telly and look at me with those puppy dog eyes as though they didn't just spend the whole time shouting outside my door.
7.00- Children distracted I straighten my hair, Netflix marathon on the cards while I get ready for my shoot.
7.40-Why do I have so much hair?
8.00-Realize that it is a Sunday and that means my train station is closed, meaning extra travel time. Look down at my humongous IKEA bag with 10 lots of outfits and feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Literally.
8.05-Hair is being insane and exploding in all directions... s**t its raining outside what am I going to do? Decide I don't care and just watch the rest of that show. What? I deserve it!
8.30- Much better. Parents are up, children are happy and I am ready to go! Pick up bag and nearly topple with the weight. Why do I have so many clothes?! Venture outside.
8.50-Two minutes to get to the station and I still need to run over that massive bridge... with at least a kilo or two on my back. Clearly I was a tortoise in my past life.
8.52- Door begins to close and I have one foot in the door, driver seems oblivious. Somehow make it onto the train and crash onto the floor. Never said I was graceful did I?
8.55-Get up off the floor. People are beginning to stare and its freaking me out. Climb into an available seat and try not to make eye contact with that person you used to hate sitting directly opposite you. They engage in conversation, I pretend that my phone is ringing.
9.05-God I should be an actress, how did I manage to spend 10 minutes talking to myself? Thats what happens when you have no life. I really need to get out more.
9.15-Get out that crumpled notebook at the bottom of your bag. Is that chocolate smeared on it?
9.17-Don't care about the chocolate, turn to the next page and begin scheduling your week. Panic as your photographer is off and you have 600 outfits ready to be reviewed.
10.00-Finally arrive. Wait for photographer.
10.30-After 60 million phonecalls and texts MUA is finally here. Prepare for 60 layers of makeup and resist the urge to rip my face off. Sensitive skin is a b***h.
11.30-Makeup done and photographer finally arrives with boyfriend in tow. Get ready to shoot.
12.00-Run around from location to location frantically snapping pictures, attempt to avoid tourist spots who think I am a celebrity. Too late walked into a tourist trap.
12.15-I am not bloody Selena Gomez okay I don't even look like her. Grit my teeth as I try to shoot and 10 million pairs of eyes are staring at me. Hello don't you think I would have security if I was Selena Gomez?
12.30-Manage to find a location without tourists. Photographer gets in the middle of the road because she is too short to shoot me close-up. She tells me to crouch. My gazelles aka legs disobey... You need to crouch lower down she cries! At this point I will be on the floor. I am.
13.00-First outfit shot halluh bloody lula onto the next 9 outfits. It's going to be a long day.Find the nearest toliet and get changed into a new woman. I am not even joking. Staff stare as I put my sunnies on in -Insert GASP- but its winter?! And do I give a s**t I have bags the size of mountains and I am not prepared to let anyone see them
13.05-Is it really that weird to wear sunglasses in winter?
13.15-Arrive in style with my bodyguards in tow. Just kidding I am not that high maitenance! In fact give me chips over posh food any day! Which reminds me I am really hungry but there is no time.
16.00-Finally one more outfit to go! I am ready to eat meat at this point and I'm a vegetarian. In fact my friends have turned into slabs of steak before my very eyes. Blink and stop imagining my friends as food.
16.30-She shoots, she scores and the godamn shoot is finally over. Remember that it is a Sunday and you have 6 trains to catch in order to get home.
16.35-Feel happier knowing that you are going to reward yourself with a cup of frothy hot chocolate.
16.50-Feel guilty knowing that you are meant to be on a spending ban. But the hot chocolate was so good and nutrious too! Comfort myself knowing that I have a cold and that the hot chocolate was to make it go away.
17.50-Who am I kidding that hot chocolate was not healthy. Shrug my shoulders and get my final train.
18.20-After what feels like 5 years I am finally home. Kids are still arguing. Nothings changed there then?!
I hope that you enjoyed the insight into the day of the life of a blogger on shoot and if you have any ideas for a similar themed post please drop an idea in the comment boxes below or email me at
analuisadejesus1993@hotmail.co.uk
Much Love Springbots xox
Photography: Jumanna Khanom
Location: China Town
Blouse: Primark
Skirt: Topshop
Mules: Public Desire