A Letter To My Angels
The 15th of June will be a date that I will never forget, the moment that I was left gasping for air as the news of your death reached me. I crumbled and fell, one young the other old, both deaths out of the blue and left me feeling broken. There is an emptiness inside me and I feel broken beyond repair, I wonder through life sleepless and afraid of what life will bring me next. I will never forget you, Grandma and friend for bringing colour and joy into my life. Shante, you were full of colour and life, never afraid to challenge social convention and be the life and soul of the party; Grandma you were quiet and serene, always watchful, forever present in my heart. You both died fighting for your lives and should have never left this world but your time had come and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t turn back the clocks of time and bring you back to me. You were stolen from me without warning and grace and I can’t stop seeing your faces as I wander aimlessly through life. Shante you were so young, my age, at the prime of your life and travelling the world because you lived life with no regrets. You taught me that life is too short to hold grudges, life is to short to be afraid but still I live in fear, that one day time will come too soon and take away all the people I love. You were fiercely intelligent and lovably crazy, there was a positivity that I admired and a strength in living life as though everyday was your last.
You fell in love, helplessly and followed your heart, we begged you to come back to us but that day never came and now here I am broken at the news of death, knowing that I will never see your smile again. I hope that your last moments were painless, that you were travelling the world even in death because you were one of a kind Shante Violet. If there is anything that your death has taught me is to never take your friends for granted because you don’t know how much time you have left. You taught me to be brave and fearless and live life as an adventure and so in your memory I will create a bucket list, all the things I said I would do, the dreams hidden under ashes and dust must come to surface because life is too short to not follow your heart. We were both dreamers, you were a hopeless romantic and I was cynic but still we came together like sugar and spice. You stopped contact after a while and we your friends were confused, what happened, what made you change? It was all in the name of love, you gave up your life to be with the person you love and I hope that you are happy now. I was never religious, you know I am not but it is in times like this that I hope that somewhere out there is your eternal paradise, rest in peace my beautiful friend.
Today I saw violets and it reminded me of you Shante, I smiled and thought it was a sign, telling me to chin up and accept the fact you are gone. But I cant come to terms with someone so young being killed in a freak accident. That is no way to die, you had your whole life ahead of you and you were ambitious and brave. No matter what life threw at you, you handled it in typical lawyer fashion and made those who met you smile at your confidence. You exuded warmth and both men and women were susceptible to your charms. Your smile lit up the rooms that you walked into and your laugh was infectious and commanding. We, us your friends are forever grateful for the time we got to spend with you and whether we met you once or knew you a lifetime you had us under your spell. I will never forget you Shante and for as long as we live we will continue to spread your infectious likability across the nation. So I must wipe away my tears and smile through them, remembering the good times we shared and how beautiful you were in life.
Grandma, my heartache is like a dull hollow in my chest, I count down the hours at work until I can cry in private and think about the incredible person you were. You didn’t deserve this ending, you saw the good in everyone and us, your grandchildren were your pride and joy. What makes it worse is that I never knew that the last time I saw you would mark your final moments on earth and now here you are, buried underground, gone but not forgotten. You were the last of my grandparents, standing proud and tall but in pain. I hear you were suffering but I take solace in the fact that your last waking moments your family surrounded you like a tribe protecting their leader. You closed your eyes for the last time and took your last breath. Then you were gone, peaceful at last, the pain smoothed away to make way for the passage of death. I want to remember you as you were in life and not as you were in your last moments, because the image in my head is scary and violent. So I will not remember you in pain but remember you as a mother and a grandmother, who did her best by her family no matter what. I love you forever and always, my beautiful grandma because at last you will see your cherished husband once again, pain free and young again.
RIP my beautiful Shante and Grandma,
I love you x
Have You Been Affected By The Loss/ Losses of a Loved One?